


Times gone by

by moonlight_petal



Series: Patience is a virtue [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blindfolds, Cas owns a coffee shop, D/s, Dean is a cop, Dom!Cas, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, Praise Kink, Sub!Dean, Top!Cas, bottom!Dean, description of a panic attack, discussion of the D/s issue, in a way at least, lots of flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 23:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_petal/pseuds/moonlight_petal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the disastrous mission and Cas subsequently teaching a lesson in patience and relaxation to Dean, the couple returns to work the next day and both are reminded of their time in college, remembering various occurences from their past and relive a important memory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Times gone by

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, so I wrote another part of this verse. Thanks a lot again to all you magnificent people who left such kind comments and kudos and a big shout out to every one else who read the story, I hope you like it. This is somehow a sequel and a prequel at the same time to 'Patience is a virtue' since it follows the events but also tells a lot about what happened before.  
> I corrected it the best I could, if there is a major problem with spelling or grammar please let me know and I'll fix it.  
> Furthermore I have next to no idea about the American college system or courses and pretty much made it up as I went, so sorry for any inaccuracies there.  
> About the discussion between Dean and Cas, please keep in mind that both of them had neither experience nor any real idea about the D/s issue and it was mostly speculation on Cas part combined with maybe the background of a couple articles he read about it before. So please excuse the shallowness of it to some extent.  
> So that's enough warning for now I think. Hope you enjoy this part as much as you did the first!

When Dean Winchester entered the station the day after the disastrous mission and his subsequent yelling attack he felt the wary glances from everyone. To be honest they expected him to rage and lecture them some more after Bobby had sent him home the day and had cut him short on that before but it didn’t happen.

It wasn’t that Dean had miraculously gotten over the failed mission and being mad especially at his brother and friend for risking their lives. On the contrary these feelings were still simmering strongly in his mind but after the lesson Cas had taught him the day before and his parting words that morning _Don’t be too hard on them, keep calm, remember to breathe. Make me proud, love._ made it a lot easier for him to focus on the more important details.

 Needless to say that his team was pretty surprised but no one dared to comment on it (or the visible hickey for that matter) in fear of jinxing the calm.

 They had a meeting and discussed what happened the day before and what consequences it would have for their future work. It was a good meeting and they had a good plan of action outlined for the coming weeks after.

 Late that afternoon Sam, Benny and Dean decided to go out for an after work beer. With friends and family taking over their lives that happened not as often as it did once and Dean treasured the bonding time with the guys. And Cas would work late anyway.

 ~~**~~

 Castiel had watched Dean drive away that morning with a loving smile and the knowledge that he made work at the station a lot more relaxed that day for everyone involved. Not that he cared for that in particular but Dean felt better and _that_ meant the world to him.

 Just like it was almost every time when they had a session like the day before Cas’ thoughts revolved around Dean even more than usual during work. He tended to reminisce and think of their past together on these days and the smallest things would trigger memories.

 Exactly something like this happened that afternoon. It was a slow day at the shop and he had time to observe the people coming in a little more closely.

 He smiled at a group of students at the back of the shop. When the first two arrived he had sensed the tension in one of them and the amusement of the other immediately. The reason revealed itself shortly after when two more entered the shop and the eyes of the first one widened even more while the other chuckled. _Ah, first meeting or blind date of some sort._ Cas grinned to himself, watching the introductions with interest, noting the obvious flushes on two of the faces and the mix of amusement and accomplishment on their friends’ faces.

 He couldn’t help himself it reminded him of a meeting that happened a long time ago.

 ~~**~~

  _Several years before…_

“Andrea, please couldn’t you have chosen a better place to introduce me to your boyfriend?” Castiel sighed and watched to bustling crowd in the hall. It was the end of their sophomore year and it was time to hand in the papers for their chosen major, or majors in Castiel’s case. He had handed in his papers for his double major in journalism and psychology on the first day already, mainly to avoid exactly the crowd he was standing in now next to his friend.

 Andrea was a nice girl with long dark hair and an amazing sense of humour. They had been friends since their freshman year and now she was standing next to him nervously wringing her hands.

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend!” she hissed between clenched teeth.

 “Yeah right, not yet. But you want him to be don’t even try to deny it. But seriously, why are we here?” he grinned at the deep flush on Andrea’s cheeks when she couldn’t deny his words. Cas had listened to her talking about this guy, Benny, for so many hours that he felt like he knew the guy already without even meeting him; which apparently would change today.

 “I didn’t exactly feel comfortable to ask him for coffee to introduce him to my best friend, I thought it would be weird since we’re not dating or anything and I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.” She explained.

 “And by wrong idea you mean, that he finally gets the hint that you actually _want_ to date him.” He frowned.

 “Exact…wait no, that’s not what I meant! Argh, you know what? Forget it. Thing is, I know he wanted to come here today and I thought a quick meeting like this would be easier. If you guys are okay with each other we can go out for coffee later and if not you’ve been introduced but don’t have to spent more time with awkward small talk than necessary. I know how much you hate that after all.”

 Cas thought about it for a moment and nodded. She had a point there although he didn’t think that a precaution like this was strictly necessary. If Benny was only half the guy Andrea described him as, he would like him well enough.

“Yeah, alright, agreed. So when will wonder boy be here?”

 She glared at him.

“I’m starting to wonder why we are friends in the first place, I really hate you sometimes… Benny, hey!” Her eyes brightened noticeably when she discovered the guy in question somewhere behind Cas and waved him over. She smiled when Benny and a guy she had seen a couple of times before made their way over.

 Cas for his part wasn’t prepared for what he was presented with when he turned around. He knew exactly who Benny was the moment he laid eyes on the guy. Big guy, friendly face and every bit the human teddy bear Andrea described him as and he liked him instantly without even talking to him. No, it wasn’t Benny who sent Cas’ mind reeling, it was the guy next to him. Only a bit taller than Cas himself, short dark blonde hair, perfectly straight features and a pair of the most incredible sharp and intelligent green eyes Cas had seen _ever_. He had to discretely clear his throat before the two of them reached them to cover up his sudden nervousness. Lucky for him, Andrea had no time to comment on that.  

 “Hey Andrea, what are you doing here? I thought that you’ve brought your papers in already?” Benny smiled at her.

 “Yeah, I have. But I wanted to take a look at the announcements and thought a bit of moral support for my fellow students would be nice.”

 They fell silent and just looked at each other with soft smiles and Cas caught the eyes of the beautiful stranger next to Benny, who rolled his eyes with a broad grin before he cleared his throat loudly.

 “Well, that’s nice! I think we haven’t met in person yet, I’m Dean.” He smiled and held his hand out for Andrea and Cas to shake.

It seemed that startled the other two out of their staring and Andrea smiled.

 “The famous Dean Winchester. I’ve heard a lot about you already. Nice to meet you, this is my best friend, Castiel Novak.” Andrea introduced them.

 “Hey.” He greeted both men but couldn’t help the lingering look at Dean. “You can call me Cas.”

 “Pleasure to meet you, Cas.” Dean replied, holding Cas’ gaze with his own but directing his next words to Benny.

“Seriously dude, you meet a beautiful lady like this and talk about me?”

 “Just making sure she knows who to avoid, my friend. Anyway we should get going…” Benny said and if he felt embarrassed by Dean, he didn’t show it and Cas was impressed by that.

 “Andrea and I were thinking about getting a coffee, would you like to join us? We could wait for you.” Cas asked and felt his cheeks grow warm the moment the words left his mouth, he so didn’t plan to say that out loud.

He earned himself a curious look from Andrea but she smiled and nodded.

 “That sounds great, what do you think Dean? Do you have the time?” Benny asked looking at his friend with a raised eyebrow.

“I’d like that a lot. I haven’t had a decent cup of coffee today yet.” The green eyed man replied.

“Oi, I made you coffee this morning!” Benny huffed but Dean just gave him a look that obviously said _My point exactly_ for all of them. Benny did the only mature thing and jabbed him with his elbow.

“Brat. But yeah I guess that means we see you two again soon.” He smiled again at Andrea.

“Sure, take your time we’ll wait outside for you.”

~~**~~

Cas grinned to himself after he recalled this very first meeting with Dean and their coffee date afterwards. It had been a nice day. They hit it of instantly and talked the whole afternoon, pretty much ignoring Andrea and Benny. But as it was, they weren’t exactly angry about that.

The interrogation he had to face that evening by Andrea wasn’t exactly as fun though.

A lot later when Dean and he talked about that day, Cas learned that Dean had had almost the completely same reaction and that Benny hadn’t been better one bit. If he remembered correctly Dean’s words had been: _Seriously, the moment you turned around… all I could think was: woah, most beautiful expressive blue eyes I’ve ever seen. And then this perpetual bed-hair…_ yeah, despite Dean denying it to his death day because how chick-flick is that, it was an attraction at first sight that turned out to be the love of their lives.

Shaking his head at his own sappy thoughts but with a happy smile on his lips nonetheless, Cas turned away from the group and busied himself with refilling the coffee beans and other things.

Despite the instant attraction and mutual liking it took them the better part of a year to get their shit together however. And with a thoughtful smile Castiel had to admit that –looking back now- he probably drove Andrea crazy during that time.

After that first meeting they met quite regularly, especially after Benny and Andrea officially got together and they -being their best friends- were always dragged along, not that either of them had been complaining. But whatever they did –and mind you neither of them were what you’d call shy- it never went past mild flirting. ( _Mild flirting, my ass, shameless eye-fucking, that’s what it was!_ a female voice at the back of his head that sounded a hell of a lot like Andrea scoffed at him.) And yeah, maybe it was that but that was all.

The first change in his and Dean’s relationship came about some time later, well into the first third of their junior year. It was, now that Cas thought about it again, probably also the first time he consciously realized that he had the ability to somehow get a handle on Dean’s emotions, that he held the power to take control for him when Dean wasn’t able to himself.

~~**~~

“Alright let’s see… lunch, then I need to get my books from the library… and tonight I should buy some groceries…” Castiel mumbled under his breath, carefully studying his notebook and trying not to stumble while walking down the hallway of the Psychology department at the same time. He had a free period between his psychology lectures and since his schedule was pretty full with two majors he needed to use the time well.

But all thoughts of lunch and groceries went out the window when a voice reached his ears which he knew pretty well by now. At first Cas thought he had imagined it but with every step he took down the otherwise silent hallway –no wonder it was class time after all- the deep, melodious voice of Benny grew louder and Cas could also hear the frantic undertone although it took him a couple of steps more until he could make out the words that had him hurrying around the corner instantly.

“Dean, buddy… please, you need to calm down. You’ll pass out if you carry on like this… Dean, breathe man!”

What Cas saw when he rounded the corner made his heart clench painfully in his chest. Benny was kneeling on the floor desperately trying to get Dean’s attention but his green eyed friend was sitting on the floor, his head between his knees, eyes shut tightly and gasping for air. Without a doubt, that much was obvious, Benny was right if Dean carried on like this for much longer he would pass out from oxygen deprivation.

“Benny!” he called, unnoticed by Dean. “What happened?” Cas came to a skidding halt next to them and fell to his knees.

“Cas, thank god, maybe you have more luck. I have no idea, we were having our mandatory psychology lecture and the professor was talking about some things relating to childhood trauma or something and then he went to a couple of students sitting in the front said something to each of them… couldn’t hear what that was. One or two just glared at him, one girl started crying and Dean just ran out. I went after him immediately but it’s like he doesn’t hear me at all.” Benny explained quickly, keeping his eyes trained on Dean who hadn’t reacted to his words in any way.

“And your professor didn’t follow you outside? Uncaring asshole.” Cas mumbled, gently pushing Benny to the side so that he could settle in front of Dean.

“Dean!” he said in a warm and gentle tone but got no reaction, not that he had expected one. Dean was having a severe panic attack by the looks of it and he just hoped that Dean did not tend to violence in this situation. He was extremely aware of Benny’s watchful gaze but pushed the awkward feeling away the best he could and focused on Dean only.

Slowly and carefully Cas touched Dean’s knees. “Dean, it’s me, Cas!” he said evenly, gently stroking his thumbs up and down but other than a slight hitch in the gasping breath Cas got no indication that Dean had heard him. Cautiously Cas took hold of Dean’s head and pulled it up a bit to get a better look at his face.

He smoothed one hand through Dean’s hair and stopped at his neck, holding him there. The other he gently settled over Dean’s eyes, pulling him closer to his body until Dean’s forehead rested on Cas shoulder and he could talk directing into Dean’s ear.

“Dean, I know it’s difficult but please listen to me. You need to breathe slowly.” He waited a moment, careful to take slow and deliberate breaths himself, hoping that Dean would tune in to the rhythm.

“Dean, I need you to focus. Try to push everything else away, just focus on my voice and concentrate on breathing calmly.”

Soothingly he played with the short hair at the back of Dean’s head, concentrating on slow and healthy breathing himself. When he started to talk again, it was unconsciously in a lower register, soft yet powerful.

“Focus only on me, Dean. I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you. Whatever happened in there, it can’t hurt you here I’ll make sure of it. It’s okay, Dean. Calm down and relax. Take a deep breath for me. In and out, slowly. That’s right, trust me and listen to my voice. It’s alright, I’ve got you. You’re doing so well, Dean.” Cas whispered softly and slowly he heard Dean’s breathing even out, felt the tightly shut eyes under his touch relax and a bit of the tension leave his body.

Benny watched the two of them intently and sighed a deep breath of relieve when Dean finally calmed down and relaxed until he finally slumped forward with a shuddering _Cas_ and his hands clutching tightly Cas’ shirt. But the dark haired man just caught him in a tight embrace and continued the reassuring whispers.

“I’ll… er go and get some water…” he mumbled after a moment feeling a little awkward witnessing this pretty intimate scene, now that Dean overcame the attack.

Neither of the other men noticed him leaving.

~~**~~

Castiel had ended up skipping his class that day and did nothing of the things he actually planned to do if memory served right. But to this day he didn’t regret it one bit (especially after he talked to his professor the day after, explaining to him what had happened whereupon he had talked to Dean’s professor and Dean got a formal apology the week after. His professor should have looked after his student after all).

Benny had promised to take notes for Dean, so that his friend could take the rest of the day off too. They ended up in the same coffee shop like the day they first met and talked well into the evening. It had been the day when Cas learned a lot about Dean’s past and family. As it turned out, Dean’s professor had whispered the word _fire_ to him which had caught Dean off guard after they had talked about childhood trauma before and triggered a whole wave of memories of his mother dying in a house fire when he was young.

Dean had no easy childhood but Cas’ hadn’t been exactly sunshine and kittens either. He told Dean about his absent father, his many siblings and his various states of not talking to them. It felt good to both of them to talk about these things and for all intents and purposes for their slowly blooming relationship, they had set the record straight about any familial baggage on either side that day.

~~**~~

Several blocks away Dean and the guys were enjoying their beer. In the beginning it had been a little tense because Sam and Benny both had wondered if Dean would start on the topic of their case again but relaxed quickly when Dean did no such thing.

The elder Winchester just smiled and relaxed with his beer, making some stupid jokes.

“Man, I don’t know what he did and frankly I don’t even _want_ to know but I think we should send Cas a card and flowers or chocolates or something. The guy worked some serious magic on you!” Sam laughed silently after watching Dean’s serene expression for a while.

Dean’s gaze turned to his brother and he smirked. “You have no idea!”

To that Benny rolled his eyes. “Yeah and I’d like to keep it that way thank you very much, I spent enough time around you two in college already to have a good enough idea what kind of magic Cas worked.”

It was times and statements like these when Dean wondered how much Benny did know about his and Cas’ particular brand of relationship. It made him uneasy at times but then he reminded himself that Benny had never said anything specific, had never looked at him weirdly and certainly had never acted different around him ever. So if his friend knew or at least suspected something it seemed like he didn’t care. Not that it was any of his business but Dean would have hated if he’d lost Benny’s respect over something like this. God only knew that it had taken him long enough to accept his own nature.

A bit of commotion at the back of the bar near the pool tables pulled him out of his musings. With a raised eyebrow he looked at the group of students who stood in a circle around two others who were having an argument by the look of it.

Dean noticed that Sam and Benny’s attention was fixed on the group as well. They were cops after all even if they were off duty and it wasn’t even their division.

“You think we need to step in?” he asked the other two.

“Nah, I think they’ll manage without us… huh, that reminds me of junior year, I hadn’t been so lucky, you remember brother?” Benny said his lips turning into a slow smirk.

And yes, Dean remembered that particular incident Benny was talking about all too well. It had been shortly after he and Cas had finally admitted their feelings for each other and had gotten together. They kept that mostly under wraps however, for what reason Dean didn’t remember, probably because it was exam period and they didn’t want to deal with the additional attention or something. That particular night the cat was let out of the bag unintentionally so to speak.

“Now that sounds like an interesting story? What was that all about?” Sam asked looking curiously between Benny and his brother.

“Ah you see Sam, it was a similar situation like this one.” He gestured back at the pool tables. “And also the night pretty much our whole year found out about Cas and your brother. It was one weekend during exam period in our junior year…” Benny began and Dean just flushed a bit, downed his beer in one go and quickly stood up to get a new one.

~~**~~

“Aw man, by the time exams are over, given I’m still alive, I certainly put three big crosses on my calendar. That day will be worth remembering.” Dean growled and downed the shot he had been holding in his hand.

They were in the middle of their exams and he should have been at home studying instead of partying here. But he just couldn’t do it anymore. He had needed to get out and just forget about psychology and forensics and everything else for a couple of hours.

“I hear ya, brother!” Benny mumbled next to him. They were at the party for some time already and Benny had enjoyed one too many of the harder cocktails already and had started to slur his words about an hour previously. It was a rare occurrence, he didn’t drink as much usually but as far as Dean was informed he had had a bit of a fight with Andrea earlier in the day and that had been a good additional reason to get trashed apparently. Dean didn’t envy the hangover from hell Benny was sure to have the next morning.

Deciding that at least one of them should keep his shit together Dean switched to beer and started to observe the people around them. As far as he could see most of their year was present except for Andrea and Cas, she stayed at home most likely because she was angry with Benny and Cas, well they had talked about it, but with two majors he had even more work to do than Dean and he hadn’t been sure if he could make it. He had promised Dean to at least drop by for a bit if his workload for the day allowed it but it didn’t look like he would.

For a moment Dean wondered if it wasn’t for the best though because as tipsy as he was he probably wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off Cas and that wouldn’t work in favour of their ‘let’s keep our relationship under wraps for now’ scheme.

They made a pretty sad picture actually, almost everyone was in different states of shit-faced.

That’s when he heard it. Across the room stood a small group of guys, obviously on the ugly side of drunk already talking and laughing loudly. Dean knew those guys they were in the same Criminal Justice course like him. And Dean hated them with a passion. He tended to keep his distance from them but what he saw and heard in class, well none of these guys were fit for a career in the field except for the other side maybe.

He met the eyes of the tallest of them and that set the disaster to come in motion.

Later Dean couldn’t remember exactly anymore what the guy, Raphael, had said in detail. It was all a bit blurry but he mainly made fun of Dean’s running out of psychology class, which quickly turned to calling him a girl who better forgot about a career with the force and progressed to hurtful comments about his mother and family. Thinking about it Dean had no idea where Raphael got his information from but it didn’t matter to him.

Soon the two of them were in the middle of a fight –still verbal at that point but it didn’t look good- with most people surrounding them. Benny, drunk as he was, tried his best to stop his best friend but as soon as Raphael had started insulting Dean’s family it pretty much was a lost cause.

That was the situation Cas walked into. Confused and a little curious he approached the circle until he realized _who_ was in the centre of attraction, then he quickly pushed through to the front.

“What the heck? Dean!” but the Winchester didn’t hear him or he chose to ignore him, Cas didn’t know which one it was. But Benny had heard him and helpfully supplied: “He started insulting Dean and then his family… he doesn’t listen to me but I think Dean’ll punch him any minute now.”

That was pretty much everything Cas had needed to hear. He took a step closer, gripped Dean’s shoulder tightly and whirled him around so he would look Cas in the eyes. The green orbs were glinting with rage and a low growl emanated from Dean’s throat until he saw who was standing in front of him.

Cas fixed his boyfriend with a hard glare.

“Dean! That’s enough! We’re going!” was all he said, his voice low, with a steely edge that allowed no argument. For a moment longer he looked in Dean’s eyes, ignoring their audience and observed how Dean’s pupils dilated at his words, a bit of the tension left his shoulders and the rage dissipated quickly and the flush that painted his cheeks. Cas turned around, sent a quick glare to Raphael who had started to laugh.

“Shut it or I’ll break your nose myself!” and walked away again.

Dean didn’t understand what happened at that moment. Cas voice struck a chord inside him that made him equal parts turned on and urged him to drop to his knees and surrender to Cas’ mercy. It confused him to no end and to some extent the involuntary reaction made him angry but he followed Cas anyway, aware of the sudden rush of hushed conversations around them.

~~**~~

“Yeah and after that more or less everybody knew that Cas had Dean wrapped around his little finger.” Benny concluded his story with a smirk.

Sam was laughing loudly and sure Dean could see why this story, the way Benny had told it, was funny to his brother because it was true where Cas was concerned he always had been kind of whipped. But Sam had no idea what the actual conclusion of that story had been, how that night had impacted his and Cas’ relationship. And he didn’t need to know… _ever_.

~~**~~

“What the actual fuck, Dean? What were you thinking? I come here against my better judgement because I have a shitload of things to do, just to make you happy and spend a bit of time with my boyfriend and I find you seconds away from a fist fight?”

Cas was pissed and Dean knew it and despite his anger and confusion about what happened at that party he still knew that Cas had done him a huge favour and he was probably the best thing that ever happened to him.

So he pushed all that away for the moment to sort through later on his own and put his arms around Cas from behind, leaning against his back.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to. He was talking trash about me and my family… my _mother_ and I just got so angry… I’m really sorry.” He whispered against Cas’ shoulder. “Thanks for stopping me.” He added.

Cas took a deep breath and turned in Dean’s arms then, his eyes significantly softer than before.

“Alright I’m not angry anymore and you’re welcome. But you really should learn how to ignore people like this guy.” He sighed and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s nose. “Alright let’s go, I’ll walk you home. You’re drunk and you need to sleep!”

\---

With studying and exams and everything else, Cas and Dean didn’t manage to really meet up again until a week and a half later when everything was done and they finally had some free time again.

Since Cas was living in a small flat close to campus instead of the dorms, Dean visited him there, making full use of the kitchen and cooked them a nice dinner.

But as much fun as he had while cooking and shamelessly flirting with Cas all the while, he couldn’t ignore the tight, nervous knot in his stomach all evening. Cas noticed of course.

“What’s the matter, love?” he asked with a loving smile when they finished dinner.

Dean huffed and looked at his plate.

“It’s nothing really, there’s just… there’s this thing and I kind of wanted to talk to you about it for a while now.”

Cas nodded encouragingly, watching Dean and softly squeezed his hand across the table.

“It’s about what happened a while ago… at the party…” Dean continued and spared a quick glance through his eyelashes at his boyfriend.

Realization dawned on Cas face when he thought back to that night.

“You know what I mean, right?”

Castiel smiled softly. It was true he had a pretty good idea what Dean meant and he agreed that was a particular thing they probably _should_ talk about but he hadn’t exactly expected for Dean to be the one who started that conversation and it made him unsure of what Dean was actually thinking about it.

“Yes, I do believe I know. What about it?” Cas tilted his head to the side, looked at Dean until the other finally lifted his head enough to see his eyes. Cas saw confusion there, determination, frustration, love… it was a quite colourful mix of warring emotions.

“It’s… I don’t understand it, what the heck happened there? I mean one minute I’m pissed at Raphael then you look at me, you say like three words to me and I get the urge to roll on my back like a dog. It’s just wrong! And it wasn’t just then, thinking about it, there were a couple of other situations when something similar happened, not as strongly but it did.”

Cas was a little stunned by Dean’s description. He hadn’t thought that his boyfriend would see it like _this_. The way he said it, the way he looked in this moment, confused and… scared? He never would have dreamt that it would be like this. But Cas wouldn’t be a psychology major if he couldn’t at least talk this out with Dean.

“Well that’s… that’s not exactly what I had expected. I can’t explain this to you, Dean, I don’t fully understand this myself. What happened at that party caught me off guard, too. The best explanation I have is –and please hear me out on this, it’s just an idea- that you, or better something in you _likes_ to follow orders, to not be responsible for what you do but just do it. To some extent it’s obvious otherwise you would’ve chosen another career but this goes deeper. I spent a lot of time with you over the past months and I saw how tightly you try to keep the lid on your emotions shut, that you have this need to always be in control of everything because that’s the only way you think you can succeed.”

He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. Dean didn’t look like he wanted to interrupt him so far and he counted that as a silent kind of an agreement to the things he said even if Cas couldn’t read his expression.

“But keeping everything under control takes a toll and at times you need to give that away, to just be you, to have no responsibility for the things that happen, to trust someone else to take care of all the things and more importantly _you_. I suppose trust is the biggest factor here. That you reacted like you did back then could be a sign that your heart and body accepted to trust me and only your head needs to catch up. Why that is connected to desire and arousal I can’t tell you, that’s probably just me if I say so myself, the attraction and feelings we have for each other and it’s an easier place to relinquish control, behind closed doors.”

Cas stopped there, studied his table cloth with great interest. For some reason he didn’t dare to look Dean in the eyes just yet.

“I don’t even know if any of what I just said made sense, really…” he sighed a minute later and finally looked up after all.

Dean looked thoughtful, conflicted even.

“It does, I suppose. At least I think it does but it’s difficult to accept I guess. All my life I’ve been told to take care of others, make sure to keep them safe and everything under control. I should be a leader, a real man and for that I have to be the one who makes the decisions. You know what I mean? But I can’t deny what you just said, in that moment it turned me on when you took hold of the situation and me. And I do trust you and I think we already established early on that we have a special connection. But I don’t know if I can ever wrap my head around all this, to shut off my brain and education long enough to actually _give up_ control. Even if it’s you.”

The look of uncertainty that adorned Dean’s face when he said that made Cas’ chest feel tight.

“You never know if you don’t try… I… I mean if you’re willing, I do have an idea something I’d like to try… we could see how that works out and go from there?”

Cas stood up while he spoke and held his hand out for Dean in invitation. The Winchester regarded the hand for a moment thoughtfully before he took it.

~~**~~

These thoughts and the memory of what happened then sent sparks down Dean’s spine. And with a quick look at his watch he decided that if he went home now he had enough time to prepare a nice welcome for his lover. He emptied his bottle and got his money out.

“I’m heading home, have a nice evening, see you two tomorrow.” He smiled at Benny and his brother and left with a wave, leaving two surprised men behind.

After this initial conversation and what followed both of them had taken some time to explore and read up on information and tried many things until they found what worked for them and how it worked for them and especially until Dean fully accepted himself and was able to overcome the demons of his upbringing and society.

~~**~~

It was close to eight o’clock when Castiel got home from the shop. He was a little tired even if it had been a good day with a constant stream of customers but no rush.

He was pleasantly surprised by the distinct smell of freshly prepared pasta that hit his nostrils as soon as he opened the door. A happy growl emanated from his stomach. Until only minutes before Cas hadn’t even realized how hungry he was.

Quickly he made his way into the kitchen where Dean was cooking. He slung his arms around Dean’s waist from behind and kissed his neck by way of greeting. “Hello Dean.”

Dean laughed, turned his head a little to press a kiss of his own to Cas’ temple. “Hey, welcome home!” he grinned.

The dark haired man hummed contentedly, nuzzling Dean’s shoulder.

“You’re cooking.” He stated the obvious with a great amount of glee in his husky voice. “What’s the occasion?”

“I was out with Sam and Benny after work and Benny was telling Sam some story about me or better _us_ from college and that got me thinking and then I came home and felt like doing something nice.” He explained lightly.

“Ah… something nice indeed, it smells wonderful, love!” with a soft smile he let go of Dean and turned to set the table but was stopped by a soft hand at the small of his back.

“It’s done already, go and sit down, relax. I’ll be with you in a minute.” Dean said, pressed another kiss to Cas’ lips and gave him a gentle push out the door.

~~**~~

They were talking about nothing specific during dinner, Cas was enjoying the good food Dean had prepared for him and Dean was enjoying the happy smile on Cas’ face.

After they were done they just put everything in the kitchen and closed the door, doing the dishes could wait until later… or the next day or something. They settled on the sofa in the living room, cuddling and enjoying the presence of the other.

“You know, I was thinking about college today too. I was watching this group of students and I think there was some kind of match making going on.” Cas huffed a laugh. “It reminded me of our first meeting.”

Dean laughed at that. “And what a first meeting that had been.”

They both fell silent for a while, each letting play the memories in their heads.

After a while Dean turned his head and pressed his lips to Cas jaw. “Benny was telling Sam the story of that night in junior year when we unintentionally outed ourselves as a couple because you were saving me from a fist fight.” He murmured hotly against Cas’ skin before he started to nibble gently on his throat.

A soft moan left Cas’ lips at that and a low hum.

“I remember that night…” he whispered and had Dean straddling his lap seconds later without an interruption of his ministrations.

“And do you remember the night a little after that one too?” Dean all but purred in Cas’ ear before catching the earlobe between his teeth.

The breathing of the dark haired man hitched slightly as a warm wave of arousal washed over him.

“Yes, I remember that one too.” He replied, voice deeper and huskier than before, showing better than anything what Dean was doing to him.

The Winchester leaned back a little, steadying himself with one hand on Cas’ shoulder, locking his eyes on the blue ones of his lover, with a touch of longing in his smile.

With the other hand he reached back and pulled something from the back pocket of his jeans.

A little breathless with arousal and anticipation and a hint of sudden nervousness also, he presented Cas with a soft, silken emerald green blindfold. He averted his gaze and lowered his head slightly. “Would you do me the honour, Cas?” he whispered softly.

Cas’ eyes widened when he recognized the item in Dean’s hand and his chest filled with love and pride for the beautiful man in his lap.

He swallowed harshly before he leaned forward, captured the lips of the other man in a deep kiss before he laid his hand on Dean’s taking the blindfold gently from him.

He accepted the item the way it was meant as, not just like a piece of garment, no, it was a symbol of Dean’s surrender and trust, his control willingly given over to Cas. They’d come a long way but such a display of trust was still a very rare occurrence for Dean and Cas knew better than to take this gift lightly.

“Of course, my love!” he whispered against Dean’s lips.

“Get up then, let me take you to bed.” He added, one strong hand placed at Dean’s back like an anchor to reality and guided him to their bedroom.

There they halted in the middle of the room, Cas standing directly behind Dean. He pressed soft kisses down Dean’s neck before he gently placed the blindfold over his eyes and tightened it at the back of his head.

Dean shifted his weight from one foot to the other and swayed slightly, slowly adjusting to his changing sense of balance. But Cas caught him easily, one hand on his waist, the other placed over his heart. Dean heard the low and warm chuckle next to his ear, sending a shudder down his spine when Cas’ hot breath hit his sensitive ear.

“Your heart is racing.”

The blonde man gasped when Cas’ hand slid from his waist to the lower edge of his button down shirt, brushing his growing erection ever so slightly on the way before he slowly started to undo one button at a time.

He nibbled and licked at Dean’s ear and proceeded to suck another mark just behind it.

When he had undone all the buttons, he quickly pulled the shirt off and abandoned Dean’s ear what resulted in a disappointed whine.

“Hush now.” He murmured amusedly, following an invisible trail down Dean’s neck to his shoulder and down the middle of his shoulder blades while his fingers quickly found their target and he started to play and pinch Dean’s nipples.

A deep growl left Dean’s lips and he unthinkingly pushed his hips back, pressing his ass against Cas’ groin, felt more than heard the hitch in the other man’s breathing against his back.

“Dean!” Cas reprimanded and pinched one of the nipples a bit harder, triggering an apologetic whimper.

After a while Cas straightened his back again and let his hands stroke down to the waistband of Dean’s straining jeans. Without hesitation he opened the belt buckle, button and zipper and pushed the soft worn fabric down Dean’s legs, noticing with a soft growl of his own that Dean did not wear any underwear.

“You are one naughty, naughty man, Dean Winchester.” Cas whispered, slowly closing one hand around Dean’s cock and giving him a couple of experimental strokes, nothing to relieve any of the pressure but to tease his lover.

Dean’s jaw went slack with a loud moan, his head falling back on Cas shoulder, one hand instinctively lifting and burying in Cas hair.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Cas chuckled. “You like that, don’t you. But it’s not going to be that easy, love.”

Another shiver of anticipation shook Dean’s body at these words. Softly Cas untangled Dean’s hand from his hair. “Turn around.”

Without hesitation Dean did as he was told, Cas’ hand holding his own a reassuring presence.

The dark haired man took hold of Dean’s other hand also and guided them to his own chest. “I need you to undress me now.” He said in a low and commanding tone.

Dean set to work with glee, a bright smile on his lips. It wasn’t as easy as it seemed to undo all the buttons without seeing them but he managed it and pushed the fabric down Cas’ shoulders. When he heard the soft rustle of the shirt hitting the floor, he sighed happily and reached out to touch Cas’ now naked chest. Just mere inches before he touched him, Dean faltered lifting his head slightly as if looking at Cas.

“May I?” he asked softly, voice low and scratchy with lust.

Cas smiled with approval and pride.

“Yes, you may, love.”

He allowed Dean some time to explore his shoulders, chest and stomach with his hands and lips, moaning softly and relishing the feelings of desire and adoration for the man in front of him but after a while he caught the hands again and pushed them resolutely down to his jeans.

“You still have a job to finish, Dean.” He reminded his lover insistently.

It took Dean a lot less time to open Cas’ pants than it had taken to open his shirt and with one firm shove he managed to let them -along with his boxers- fall to the floor. A pleased smile bloomed on his lips at the soft thud of fabric hitting the floor but nothing could compare to the happy expression that adorned his face when Cas whispered a loving _well done, love_ against his lips before kissing him deeply, exploring the other mouth, teasing Dean’s tongue with his own and inviting it into his own mouth.

After enjoying their slow make-out session for some time Cas cupped Dean’s cheek and neck with his hands, softly tracing the cheek bone with his thumb before settling both hands on Dean’s shoulders, putting just the tiniest bit of pressure on them to let Dean know what he wanted him to do.

Dean enjoyed the kiss just a moment longer before he broke the contact and easily followed Cas’ unspoken command, dropping to his knees swiftly and angling his head in the general direction of Cas, waiting patiently for what his partner had planned for him.

Cas looked down at Dean with a loving gaze, he couldn’t help but think that Dean was the most beautiful man he knew and this beauty shone even brighter when he was like this, relaxed, trusting and enjoying himself.

Softly he carded his fingers through the dark blonde strands, leaning down to press a kiss to Dean’s forehead.

“Sometimes I wonder how I deserve a beautiful man like you.” He murmured witnessing with fascination how Dean’s cheeks flushed red and a shy smile grazed his lips while he leaned into the gentle touch.

A moment of quiet looking later, Cas let his hand fall to Dean’s cheek and down to his chin, giving it a small tug to let him know to open his mouth. With his other hand he took hold of his own erection, stroking it a couple of times, groaning softly and guiding it closer to Dean’s face until the tip touched warm lips.

The kneeling man whimpered happily as he opened his mouth further, taking the tip in, lapping at it. A strong inhale and exhale, followed by a happy purring noise let Cas know that Dean was enjoying this as much as he did.

Cas let his head fall back with a deep moan, gripping hold of Dean’s hair tightly, not directing him but to steady himself and remind him of what this was about. He relished the way Dean expertly worked his cock with his tongue, lips and hands with the additional hint of teeth at times and let Dean know about it quite vocally. He had learned quickly that it was best to give Dean his freedom in this, he instinctively knew exactly what to do when and how, he didn’t need Cas to tell him what to do.

He enjoyed Dean’s ministration almost too much and was a little caught off guard when he felt the tell-tale first signs of his impending orgasm.

With a gentle push at Dean’s shoulders he let the other know to pull back. A unhappy whine made his displeasure known and Cas couldn’t help but chuckle breathlessly while trying to reign himself in again.

He guided the blonde man to his feet again and kissed him softly.

“You were doing so well, love, almost a little _too_ well.” Cas praised and got a bright smile in response with a hint of smugness at the corner of Dean’s lips.

Cas took Dean’s hands in his again and slowly leading the way over to their bed.

“Go on, on the bed, love. On your hands and knees.” He whispered, watching Dean crawl on the bed slowly but with the grace of a wildcat.

He admired the view a moment longer before he opened the drawer of the bedside table and got out their bottle of lube, crawling on the bed behind Dean then.

The light sheen of sweat that covered Dean’s back made the play of his strong muscles with every heavy, ragged breath he took even more impressive. Cas reached out, leaned over Dean’s back, starts peppering feather light kisses down Dean’s spine, triggering goose bumps and a shiver when he let his tongue slide over the soft dip in the small of Dean’s back and stroking his sides soothingly at the same time.

Cas took his sweet time re-discovering Dean’s back, lingering at every little scar he found. He took special care of Dean’s ass and that’s when he sensed that Dean was growing desperate and impatient even if he didn’t say anything. It was apparent when the moans and desperate gasps turned more and more into deep groans and growls at getting the attention so close to where he needed it but not quite there.

With a wicked grin Cas bit into Dean’s right cheek coaxing a surprised hiss from the other. He sucked intently on the soft muscle to put a bright mark there while he blindly searched for the lube and coated his fingers with it generously.

When Cas was satisfied with the small red mark, he gently pulled the cheeks apart and trailed the wet tips of his fingers over the tight ring of muscles hidden there. Dean hissed softly at the sudden coldness and winced slightly when Cas carefully pushed the tip of one finger inside. He stopped immediately, looked up to Dean’s head which was hanging deep between his shoulders. Soothingly he stroked Dean’s side.

“Shh, it’s alright, love. You’re doing fine for me. Relax!” Cas whispered, pressing a kiss to the small of Dean’s back again.

It was slow going that night, Dean was already wound tight with arousal and curiously enough they had discovered during the years of their relationship that –although it’s said that it’s easier in this position- that didn’t hold true for Dean. For the Winchester it was a lot easier to relax when he could see Cas. That was another reason why it was such a big proof for the trust he had in Cas when he relinquished his ability to _see_ on his own accord.

But Cas was patient, took extra care and time to prepare his lover, pausing every so often to give Dean the opportunity to relax and adjust to the intrusion. But soon enough the initial tension left Dean’s body and he was trembling under Cas’ hands, moaning his name like a prayer, mixed with little mewling noises every time Cas touched his prostate.

When Cas decided that Dean was ready he slowly pulled his fingers out, getting a high-pitching keening in response from Dean at the loss of contact. He quickly covered himself with another layer of lube and leaned back on his heels.

Gently he gripped Dean’s hips. “Dean, come on, sit up, love.” he murmured and gave a little tug at the hips.

With a soft groan Dean got up on his knees shakily and Cas helped him, held him carefully but safely, guiding him back on his cock slowly.

“Now sit back… yes, like that, slowly love… take it all in… You’re doing so well love… feels so good…” Cas murmured encouragingly and a loud twin moan echoed in the bedroom when Cas was fully seated in Dean.

Both men needed time to catch their breaths then, to adjust to the intense feeling but after a while Dean started to squirm a little and with Cas’ gentle guiding hands he slowly lifted himself off of Cas and back down again. Cas wasn’t able to move much due to the position they were in but by leading Dean they soon found a slow rhythm for their love making.

A constant hum of moans and gasps filled the air around him until a loud and sharp whine ripped from Dean’s throat after he shifted his hips a little and the next thrust down on Cas’ cock hit his prostate head on. The intensified feeling spurred Dean into motion and his movements gained speed and power, Cas –finally able to move a bit more- quickly caught on and met the Winchester halfway.

“Cas… Cas… so close… _please_ …” Dean whimpered with every hit to his prostate and he was so close that it was almost painful. With sure hands Cas reach around and took hold of Dean’s hard length stroking it in perfect timing to Dean’s down thrusts. The muscles in Dean’s thighs were quivering from the strain of the pace they were put through. Dean was keening loudly, desperate to find his release.

Cas pushed him a little further before breathing a low _come_ in permission in Dean’s ear.

That was all it took for Dean to tumble over the edge, his movements came to a stuttering stop and with an almost sobbed _Cas_ he came all over his stomach, Cas’ hand and their sheets.

Cas stroked Dean through his orgasm, reigning himself in for the moment and made it all about Dean’s pleasure although the tightly clenching muscles sent a burning desire for his own release through his whole body.

When Dean calmed down a bit Cas thrust powerfully enough into Dean to send him falling forward. He caught the blonde man easily to give him the time to brace himself before he started up a quick and deep pace for his thrusts. It didn’t take him long to follow Dean over the edge and he came with Dean’s name on his lips.

Cas embraced Dean tightly when he let himself fall on his side and pulled the other with him, careful to stay embedded in Dean for the moment.

Cradling him close to his chest, he kissed Dean’s shoulder and neck again and again.

“My beautiful, beautiful love… love you so much… will always take care of you…” he whispered over and over again, entwining his hand with one of Dean’s and settling them over the frantically beating heart of his lover. With his other hand he gently removed the blindfold and let it fall on the pillow.

Dean sighed in profound happiness, blinked a little against the dim light. With a squeeze he pulled Cas’ hand up and kissed his palm lovingly.

“Love you, too.” He murmured snuggling even closer in the warmth of Cas’ embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> So, hope you made it down here and enjoyed the read.  
> I'm always happy to read about what you thought of the story, honestly every single comment is like an early Christmas present to me!  
> Other than that if you have suggestions/ideas for this verse, please let me know, I'd like to know what you would want to read about.  
> Tell me here or find me on tumblr: http://moonlight-petal.tumblr.com/


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